Just to be with you , eventually

I'm sitting on my bed back against the head of it . Thinking why did i not attend school again ? Isit cause i know school isn't gonna be as happening as it used to be , am i plain lazy or am i just not bothered anymore with school ? I woke up at 6am as usual because the alarm rang . I had so many things in my mind that i was thinking of . Everything is so complicated . I hate how it feels so wake up being so troubled with things i'm not suppose to be troubled by .
I'm inlove , i'm lazy to love , i'm loved to be lazy ... i'm loved for every single thing i do ...
Now i miss superman , the one who keeps me smiling all night before i go to sleep and during my sleep . He left me sleepless night thinking hard about him . Thinking about what we could be in the future , everything . It starts crashing down on me again like a falling star . Only that this star of mine is special . How we met was a history , what we are today is a legend . You know , i feel so special being next to him as friends . Texting him makes me happy , talking to him over the phone makes me smile . This is no infatuation nor is it a feeling that lasts for a while . For once , i feel truely happy . I hope nothing changes .
How i wish i could tell him right from the heart , straight to the face i wanted him badly too . But its cause i don't want to be hurt for nothing , again . I really wish i had knew him many years back . But sadly it did not happen . All i had were losers who had me who broke my heart . Azri was one of them but i'm over him . Even if next time he was to come home , i'd say a big no . Cause my expectations of guys have advanced . All i've ever really wanted was someone i could love and him to love me the same way too . I felt Azri could give me what i wanted , sad to say he was a failure to me and his life . He was nothing but the same ol'playa everygirl used to know and reckon i left him . Stubborn did i not to listen to anyone ? This is what i got in return . I was backstabbed , brutally heart . Never once ever since my first ex left did i feel so hurt . So painful that my heart emits a pain , almost unbearable . But life has to move on right ?
&& so ... i did ...
I met many guys on the way to free myself from stress , all were plain bullshits . Untill i met this particular boy that i really feel happy and comfty with . He was able to cope with what i was , stand the crazy me .. everything .. Thats what i like .. When he promises me something , he does it on his own will and not being forced to do so .. But why i feel broken a bit is cause of what he said about his ex and cries .. I mean , it felt so shitty to hear about it .. But i try not to get affected because i just wanna enjoy and treasure what we are now . Yes , enjoy while it lasts . I'm not trying to say i know he's gonna play me out .. He somewhat sounds serious , everything . That is why i say he's a special falling star . We both have been through what's it like to love someone truely from the heart and know how it feels like when that special someone leaves . But can anyone stop that ? No . I'm so afraid to step into love , commit to someone again cause i'm afraid he'd leave one day . I'm so afraid . He's always telling me not to doubt him , not to think negative ... ( Baby , it's not about you .. it's me .. i've been through this so many times .. How many of 'em guys have assured me on taking care of my heart ? How many made it ? None .. ) Thats why i feel this way . To love someone is easy but to really have what it takes in return from the other person is difficult . Cause you can never assure yourself that he/she might stay with you forever . I feel tired sometimes , i feel restless at times thinking about all these (B,ou're not troubling me ... its my heart thats fooling my mind ! ) Could you do anything to save me ? Could you ? Could you assure me if i gave you my heart , you'd treasure it , never to break it ? Cause if you could , i would do the same ..

Could you have meant what you said when you texted me this ?
" Aku syg ko more den u do n alwaez do. To be wit u itz not an easy tsk ,n to match our luv will be a challenge for us. Be prepared to be tied together. Cause i noe n understand well tt we will be 1 of a kind. I luv u. muahk.nite! :)) "

Or was this just to give me false hopes .
Cause sometimes , i really feel like walking away but i just can't ... :'(

I've been alone so many nights now
And I've been waiting for the stars to fall
I keep holding out for what I don't know
To be with youJust to be with you
So here I am, staring at the moon tonight
Wondering how you look in this light
Maybe you're somewhere thinking about me, too
To be with you... there's nothing I wouldn't do
And I can't imagine two worlds spinning apart,Come together eventually
And when we finally meet I'll know it's right
I'll be at the end of my restless road
But this journey, it was worth the fight
To be with you ..
to be holding you for the very first time,Never letting go
What I wouldn't give to feel that way ...

<333